Sunday, January 19, 2014

Today

I can't even begin to describe to you how I feel about today. 
It's such a mixture of emotions and my mind is going crazy thinking about it all. I began telling myself, don't worry today is almost over. I'll go to sleep, wake up and it'll be tomorrow. Then I realize tomorrow won't be much better either. It'll probably actually be worse. What a sad thought huh? 
I should be excited! I should be happy!
But I'm more nervous than anything.
Its the kind of feeling you get when you know something big is coming. Some sort of big change and you're not sure if it's a good or a bad thing. So all you can feel is nervous. 
The only thing I have going for me right now is the love I feel from our Heavenly Father. Knowing He's there and He's willing to listen to my problems, makes all the difference in the world. 

I know I need to be open, I need to be willing to go the way the Lord would have me go. Sometimes is just hard though. Especially when you want something so badly but you're not sure if you can have it. I keep repeating to myself to be open. To not get so set on something and be disappoint if it doesn't happen. I still can't help but have hope. 
Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to slow down my mind and really focus on what I should do. Or at least calm down enough so I can think clearly! For now I just need a good nights sleep. 

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Attitude

Well everyone I'm home! 
Not what you were expecting right? 
Yeah me either. 
But sometimes things happen that we can't control and the only thing we can do is choose how to react. I'm choosing to look on the bright side of things and see the simple blessings from our Heavenly Father. 
It is definitely not easy. It's probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Being home has been such a challenge. For one, my plans for the next year and a half have been completely changed and I'm scrambling to figure out what to do. Another thing, 
People.
People can be so judgmental. It's hard keeping your head up and standing strong when you know there's others trying to tear you down. But I refuse to let that happen. Yes I came home from my mission, but at least I gave it my all. I served with all my heart and I don't have any regrets.
By far the hardest thing about being home is,
Being home.
Sometimes I feel like a complete failure.
I have moments where I think to myself, 
"I shouldn't be here.
I should be out there serving.
I should be in Mexico.
I'm letting so many people down."
But you know what? None of that is true. Satan is working really hard on me. He's trying to pull me down and make me feel hopeless. He doesn't want me happy. He doesn't want me to realize my full potential. 
But guess what?
I know the ending to this story.
He won't win. He won't ever win. 
It's a daily struggle and I know that but I won't give up hope. I'm going to be okay, it'll just take a little time. As long as I trust in the Lord everything will work out and I'll realize this little bump in my road is exactly that, just a little bump.
But for now I plan on taking it just one day at a time.